Chapter 6: The Writing Process and Pre-Writing

Examples and Pitfalls of Thesis Statements

The following are good examples of strong thesis statements.

Thesis statement 1

To plan and fund healthcare, local health networks are better at improving the patient experience and access to care than a large central body.

Thesis statement 2

Positioning clients with acute respiratory distress syndrome in the prone position increases ventilation and decreases mortality rates.

Pitfalls to avoid with thesis statements

Now that you have learned about strong thesis statements, take a look at four pitfalls to avoid when composing a thesis, as described in Table 6.2 and illustrated in Figure 6.5.

 

Table 6.2: Pitfalls to avoid with thesis statements

Pitfall Example of weak thesis statements

Simply declaring your subject or describing what you are about to discuss.

My paper explains why experience is more important than knowledge.

 

Making an unreasonable or outrageous claim or insulting the opposing side.

Provincial governments should double the amount of money that is given to hospitals.

Stating an obvious fact or something that no one can disagree with.

Hospitals should employ nurses.

Making too broad a statement.

Healthcare services are important to preventing disease.

 

Person jumping over holes in the ground that represent the different pitfalls

Figure 6.5: Pitfalls in thesis statements

 

Student Tip

Use of the First Person Perspective in a Thesis Statement

Even in a personal essay that allows the use of the first person perspective, your thesis should not contain phrases such as in “my opinion” or “I believe.” These statements reduce your credibility and weaken your argument. Your opinion will be more convincing if you use a stronger statement, such as: “As per the evidence, I argue that shifting money to preventative healthcare is important to reduce hospital healthcare costs.”

 

 

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The Scholarship of Writing in Nursing Education: 1st Canadian Edition by Jennifer Lapum, Oona St-Amant, Michelle Hughes, Andy Tan, Arina Bogdan, Frances Dimaranan, Rachel Frantzke, and Nada Savicevic is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License, except where otherwise noted.

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